Bright Eyes

                                                          

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.  I believe to truly know a person, you have to know their eyes.  It's amazing how changing and how constant they can be.  I may or may not be alone in this but more than once with each of my children at different ages I have felt like I could see their soul through their eyes.  Almost as if I could see the man they would become.  Its a strange familiarity that I cannot quite describe and it comes and goes.  I was holding my baby Enzo this week and I had this deja vu sort of feeling as I looked into his eyes which suddenly seemed so full of wisdom (the day he was born I thought he had such wise eyes, an old soul) and it was as if I could see him for who he is inside instead of this sweet infant I have been sent to care for.  It truly is a remarkable feeling.  Almost like a glimpse into the future and the past all at once.  My belief is that as families we knew each other before we came to this life, that we loved each other long ago.  I think that is how we know our babies, love them so much from the minute we see them and even before.
         














This connection is sweetest I think when I have it with my babies, but I also love it when I am talking to my other boys.  As I watch my ten year old and see his mind work, and listen to his personality and I can imagine him fulfilling all of his dreams chasing animals and traveling the world.  Or, when my eight year old tells me how much he wants to be a dad when he grows up, so much, that he hopes his wife will work and he can stay home with the kids.  He is so sweet with all his brothers and I can see the dad inside of him already.  Or when my six year old tells me yet another tall tale and I just know in my heart that he will be a writer some day.  Or as I listen to my four year old playing alone and his imagination creating whole worlds.  Or when my two year grabs my face to make me look him in the eyes and gives me a kiss and I know he loves me even if he did lose his baby throne and feels often neglected.  Even with my thirty-four year old (my hubby), there were times when I didn't know which direction to go with him and then I would see his eyes and I knew he was still mine.  No matter when or where I have felt this, it has always been their eyes that give them away.  It has always been their eyes that seem to let me see into their sweet spirits if for only a minute.  I love it because sometimes we forget that people, even little people are more complex than we can see and this is my deepest reminder that we are all bigger than we know.

Enzo up until recently has been in the baby routine of eat, sleep, poop, but recently his little person has started to show his colors.  He is an amazing baby.  He rarely cries unless he is tired or hungry.  He has some cranky minutes at night, but basically he is perfect.  Well, yesterday he had been chillin' in his seat while I helped with homework and suddenly got whiney, then mad.  Scream-yelling (he really has the funniest cutest cry) that normally means he needs food or sleep.  When I sat down to feed him, he wouldn't eat, but just looked up at me with the biggest grin and started talking baby talk.  He just needed some mama time snuggling and chatting.  It was seriously so so sweet.  We sat there and talked for a good 20 minutes, then he snuggled into me and fell asleep.  I loved it!  Holding a baby as they fall asleep is honestly one of the best feelings in the world (as is watching your children sleep).  He is my last baby.  Despite all of the chaos I cherish the moments I get to just be with  him and relish in his sweetness.  Sometimes I forget to sit and enjoy my kids, but yesterday Enzo made sure I sat and enjoyed him for a minute.      

It is remarkable at how much our hearts can love, and it is so great that we have each other in this life.  I have said it before that sometimes I want to run away, but at the end of the day, after the chaos of after school homework and activities and dinner and bedtime, I wish I took the time to just be still more often and watch these boys before I blink and they are grown.  Maybe these moments of clarity when I can see through their eyes are a gentle reminder to slow down, take a breath, and live in the moment instead of rushing to whatever comes next because truly it all goes too quickly.  My oldest was just a baby I swear and now I have six babies, and the youngest is already growing too fast.