Drum Roll . . .

Its' a BOY!!!  

I am officially a "boy mom" forever.  That is truly all I have ever been, but this time for sure I have accepted it to be so.  My last boy, and the 2 before that I cried a little when I was told yet again that it was not a girl.  This time my husband warned the ultrasound technician that this was our sixth baby and that the rest were boys, so she nervously avoided the area checking everything else first.  I actually saw the boy parts as she was looking at the legs, after five you get pretty good at spotting them, but I waited to let her announce the official statement. I actually felt peace and even a smudge of relief mingled with a tingle of excitement.  I truly was meant to have all boys.  I have said it before, but this baby is definitely my last.  I now have two more kids than my original plan, and it is hard ad crazy and I feel a lot of the times that I don't give each of them enough of what they need,  however, I cannot imagine my life without a single one of them.  Well, maybe my five year old, just kidding!  He will teach me the most I am sure.  

My husband and I were talking about meekness last night in the middle of the 5th row at an NBA basketball game of all places.  To be meek is described as being, humble, submissive, obedient, gentle, kind, quiet, teachable, long suffering, patient, full of love, childlike. . . Moroni 7:43 "And again, behold, I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be meek, and lowly of heart."  The scriptures also discuss the meek inheriting the earth and, only those who are meek may appear before God.  But, for today, for right now, here in the midst of the muck and grime of this life, the heartache and trials and sorrow we face, for me at least, having faith and hope are essential.  Without faith and hope I do not think I could face each day.  For the past few weeks, I haven't haven't been facing each day.  I have been hiding from life locked in the gloom and fears in my mind.  For whatever reasons, mental or physical, the light has been sucked out and left me anxious, dark and least of all meek.  When I read that to have faith and hope one must be meek, I looked back on how I have dealt with my recent state.  There has been very little meekness involved.  

Along with all of my other goals, which are not going perfectly, but they are still going, I am going to strive to be meek.  I am not a soft, cuddly, lovey, feminine kind of woman.  My life has given me hell and in order to keep going I have had to be tough, rough even.  The deep chasms of my mind have been engrained with survival techniques, defense mechanisms.  I have been a fighter since a young age and sometimes  you have to give up the fight.  So I am going to practice being more gentle, more kind, more full of love, more quiet, more teachable and definitely more patient.  

I always hoped that if I had a girl, she would help soften, calm even tame my boys a bit because they are all wild and rambunctious, fighting and farting type of boys.  I guess now it is my job to become that girl that can soften my boys.